Here’s 30 tips and tricks to make your travels a little easier!
- Bus drivers are scary. Don’t ask any questions. Don’t try to confirm where you are going. Don’t ask why that alarm keeps beeping. Don’t ask why the bus is suddenly driving on the side of the road. And when he stops to get out to stand around in an empty parking lot, don’t bother to ask him what he was doing when he gets back on.
2. Always check google maps to be sure the “avoid toll roads” option is not turned on. Sometimes tolls are good, especially when the other option is to cross the border in the dark, on an illegal dirt road through a farmers field.
3. Don’t take that selfie with a cow. It doesn’t look as cool as you think.
4. Sprinklers are not just for watering plants. They are also a great place to soak your clothes and cool down in the middle your walk.
5. Don’t even think about going to the bathroom 10 minutes before your flight boards. As soon as you leave they will immediately rush everyone onto the plane and then try to leave without you.
6. The word highway is not a synonym for paved road. Sometimes its definition is a beautiful red dirt road on which you are the only vehicle.
7. The butt symbol on a road sign means there is a massive but invisible speed bump ahead. Do not approach it going 65 mph.
8. Warm, leftover rum punch in a empty bottle is a great breakfast drink! Definitely bring it to the restaurant.
9. Howler Monkeys sound like a T-rex. Don’t be alarmed when it sounds like you woke up in the middle of Jurassic Park.
10. Steal as many packets of individually wrapped cheese snacks from the airport lounge as you can hide. Nothing less than 15-20 is acceptable. You’ll thank me later.
11. Not all beach bartenders are adults. Some are 12 year old kids.
12. Do check the ladder for fire ants before you start a photo shoot. Otherwise, you’ll look like me here!
13. Always have your passport on you. Even when your travel plans are within the same country, let it be known that the bus will find a route that forces you to leave the country and come back in. And the border police will not be amused by your logical explanation of why you don’t have it.
14. If there is a hole instead of a toilet in the stall you chose, be sure to check every single stall, including the handicap one, before making your final decision. There is always a toilet somewhere.
15. Try to get small change as soon as possible. Don’t be the prick who pays for a beer with the $20,000 bill you got from the ATM.
16. You WILL get caught in torrential rain,without an umbrella or jacket. Just accept it.
17. If you take a midday nap, be sure to set an alarm, so you don’t miss that sunset you’ve been trying to photograph for three days in a row.
Stealing napkins to use as toilet paper later is totally fine.
19.. If you arrive at your hotel past the check in time, be sure to park your car in front of a security camera. That way, if you are murdered while sleeping in your car, it will be caught on tape.
20. Reconsider following an old man into the woods when he tells you he wants to show you the beautiful architecture on his really old house. You will either die a terrible death or find some lovely refugees living there.
21. Convenient stores can sometimes be barber shops too.
22. Sometimes google maps isn’t always correct. Use common sense when it suggests that you walk on a highway and maybe try to find another route.
23. Putting wet clothes in a hot car with the windows up, doesn’t actually dry them. It only fogs up the windows and makes everything smell.
24. Always keep extra food and water in the car in case you want to spontaneously hike. Warm beer and chips are not an adequate lunch at the top of a mountain.
25. Always bring extra plastic bags. They are great for groceries, muddy shoes and throwing up into when you get food poisoning on the train.
26. Fun Fact: That massive bus you’re about to get onto, can and will get hit by a tiny car before it even leaves the parking lot, bringing your plans to a crashing halt. Literally.
27. Sometimes unplanned is the best part. Like finding a local watering hole that is so much more beautiful than the one down the street that has a fee.
28. Shaving on the sidewalk is a thing.
29. Remember to put your phone down and enjoy the moment with the people you came with!
30. When you find somewhere beautiful on your trip, stop and sit and do nothing. Because this is why you came.